What is it we see
With the seemingly never-ending obsession with the selfie and the constant craving for recognition, I’m reminded of a quote from the Scottish poet Robert Burns and it goes like this.
Oh would some power the giftie gie us, to see ourselves as others see us.
The gift to see ourselves as others see us. At the heart of so many of our actions, the fuel that feeds our 21st-century obsession with social media and the selfie phenomenon. The never-ending pursuit of the perfect photographic moment, the image of the perfect life.
It’s exhausting, and it may even be a little intimidating. Or is that just me?
We study photo’s of ourselves for clues. Wondering if it really is a mirror image of our true identity and whether we realise it or not, our actions and reactions are constantly being reflected back at us by others. It’s little wonder the raging obsession so many of us have with our appearance, our beauty and the image we project to the world as a whole.
Of course, as humans, it’s perfectly natural to wonder how others see us. Subconsciously we’re letting others know who we are on a daily basis. How we dress, how we wear our hair, the books on our bookshelf, the movies we love and the people with whom we associate. These same subtle clues we look for in others, to inform us of who we decide to spend our time. Who we should love.
Acknowledging our differences may help us find a way to accept and celebrate the differences in others. After all, life would be pretty bland if we were all the same.
Judge and be judged.
Upon reaching a certain age, it becomes tempting to lament the way modern society is being shaped and formed. I like to tell myself; the more things change, the more they stay the same. Haven’t we humans always been a little self-obsessed? Perhaps nothing has changed, it’s just our ability to reach and influence more people than we could ever imagine through social media that’s changed. Our constant craving clearly visible for all to see and scrutinise. Every. Single. Day.
But how far removed is the image we’re projecting from who we are? Is it leading us to all the wrong places with all the wrong people?
Who hasn’t found themselves walking away from a relationship, confused and muttering “That’s just not who I am. Why don’t they get me? What was I projecting that led me here?”
With the constant streaming of ‘seemingly’ perfect celebrities, it’s little wonder we worry about our appearance, our weight, our hair, our skin. And as much as I’ll always advocate the preservation of our appearance as a way to build confidence, especially as we age, a narcissistic obsession with ourselves is not likely to bring happiness nor long-lasting success or fulfilment. Have you ever wondered how Kim Kardashian or any of her sisters are going to feel once the shine of celebrity wears off? Perhaps not-so-good.
When we look in the mirror.
But what if how we view our appearance goes beyond a healthy self-esteem to something closer to an obsession. It starts with a little botox; next comes the dermal fillers, it continues, you find yourself getting more than you need, then one day, a barely recognisable image of yourself stares back at you in the mirror. I wonder what this does to the psyche? I’m not suggesting cosmetic enhancement is not a good option, done well, it will go a long way in improving how you feel about your appearance, but a healthy approach to how you see yourself, with the right cosmetic doctor who believes in a subtle approach will bring about a much happier outcome. Less really is more when it comes to cosmetic enhancement.
Why do we worry?
If we worry too much about what others see or think of us, are we missing out on something much greater? Of just being ourselves?
Of course, our outward appearance is inextricably linked to our self-esteem, our attitude towards life, to our well-being and our state of mind and it’s the rare individual who doesn’t feel the sting of getting older.
But what is it we’re worrying about? Why do we worry at all? For a woman the risk of becoming invisible. No longer relevant. For men perhaps it’s the fear of mortality?
Should any of this matter? Does it matter? The older I get, the more I realise, it’s just the cycle of life. As time goes by, becoming comfortable in the skin we’re in and taking pride in the place we’ve etched out for ourselves in the world, and the contribution we’ve made is far more important than our outward appearance. Acceptance and self-love transcend everything, and I’m pretty sure it trumps a narcissistic way of life.
Our greatest gift.
If you live a long life, none of it will matter. Not one little bit. I suspect, you and I will just be happy we made it through life relatively unscathed. For me, the goal is to live long with good health both physically and mentally. No point in living a long life if we’re plagued with ill-health for last 15 years as a consequence of poor choices in both our wellness and our attitudes. Right?
And to see ourselves, not as others see us, or how we think others will see us, but how we wish to see ourselves. Perhaps this is the greatest gift of all.
Would we achieve more? Be braver? See the potential others see in us? Would we care less about our imperfections?
How liberating to no longer worry about how others see us. To just be.
This could be one of the greatest gifts of getting older. A balancing act between caring, but not caring.
And now you?
Do you have a point of view? Have you found a comfortable place in the new world of the self-obsessed selfie culture? I’d love to know what you think.
See you next time,